at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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