I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
