Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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