Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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