is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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