Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.