He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL