It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.