remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.