***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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