Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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