I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
