Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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