i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
