i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
