true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
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I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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