I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
