I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
