My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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