You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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