She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
