the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
