Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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