I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
