she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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