She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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