BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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