well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
