I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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