The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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