My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
