New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
