Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
