My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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