Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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