These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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