My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
