I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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