she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
