Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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