If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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