Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
