so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
