I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
