Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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