alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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