my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize