a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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