omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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