new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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