I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize