Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
