I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
