Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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