You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.