last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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