Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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