ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
