I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
