he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul