and i looked up. we had an audience...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just pee around me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
