You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
