Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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