i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
