I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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