you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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