i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
