Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
