Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
