There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shame is for Republicans.
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