My nipple is on Facebook.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
