Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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